Santa Claus, My Old Nemesis

Okay, I don’t have anything against Santa Claus, per se; he seems like a nice guy, if you can believe his PR. But I really don’t like being told I look like him, or worse yet, “Hey, did anyone ever tell you, you look like Santa Claus?” Why no, you knucklehead, you’re the very first to notice, let me give you a freakin’ cookie as a reward.

I know they don’t mean it in a bad way, but I still don’t like it. It’s not like they notice how freakin’ jolly I am, they’re seeing that I’m fat with a white beard. I see plenty of people with long buck teeth and I don’t tell them they look like the Easter Bunny.

And the worse part is, I’ve been keeping my beard as short as possible just for that reason. I guess I’ll have to lose it altogether in December from now on.

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