Stupid Neighbors

Sometimes I miss when I lived in a house and had neighbors. I have neighbors now, but it seemed they were a lot dumber back then. Here’s one of my more memorable encounters… and remember, all of this is right off the top of my head… which shows you how my head works. Pretty scary stuff…  

This conversation occurred because the cable company people dug a hole outside my house and then a week later came back and dug up the same spot.. The idiot is a neighbor that will remain nameless… and clueless…

Idiot: Hey, they dug up the same spot again!

Dwight Jenkins: Yeah, I see that.

Idiot: Why do you suppose they did that?

DJ: Probably got the dirt in upside down and had to fix it.

Idiot: What? That can happen?

(at this point I knew it was going to be a great day)

DJ: Oh sure, you don’t want to fill a hole up with misaligned soil.. all sorts of things can happen.

Idiot: Like what?

DJ: for starters, you can develop geological redistribution fractures in the substrata junctions…

Idiot: Wow, I had no idea…

DJ: Oh that’s just the beginning… if the hole is big enough, the fractures can escalate the migration spillage shift and then you’re just a heartbeat away from tectonic deflection. Why do you think gravediggers spend so much time in college?

Idiot: Gravediggers go to college?

DJ: Of course! You can’t just let anyone dig holes! Why do you think it’s a felony to dig a hole with out a license?

Idiot: What!? Uh… I’ve dug holes… not many, but a few.

DJ: You had a permit from the city though, didn’t you?

By this time, it was too much like shooting fish in a bucket so I made an excuse to leave. But I’m sure he’s out in his back yard now, checking for tectonic deflection and praying for proper soil alignment.

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