I read that grieving, at least grieving in the right way, is constantly changing, always in flux. If you are depressed one moment, and then angry the next, and then sad, and then weepy, and then something is funny and you laugh, and then angry again, that’s actually a good thing. It’s when you stay depressed or angry for days on end that your friends need to worry about you. I think your mind goes into protection mode during those off times, and says, ‘that’s enough for now, stop thinking about it’ and you really do stop the grief process for a short period. The first time that happened to me I felt shamed by it, as if I’d forgotten to be sad, but it’s really a built in protection, or I feel it is; I’m no doctor or shrink by a long shot, but I’ve had a few losses in my life.
There was a time in my life when I had to drive past the scene of an accident that killed a love one almost daily. I really had no choice other than drive 30 or 40 miles around. For months, I can remember getting close, and then suddenly being past the site; my mind just turned off for that moment. I wasn’t asleep, because I navigated the curves just fine, but I have no recollection of seeing the scene during those months. My brain just said, “No, not ready yet.”
Thanks brain, that was nice of you.