Now you grieve, now you don’t

I read that grieving, at least grieving in the right way, is constantly changing, always in flux. If you are depressed one moment, and then angry the next, and then sad, and then weepy, and then something is funny and you laugh, and then angry again, that’s actually a good thing. It’s when you stay depressed or angry for days on end that your friends need to worry about you.  I think your mind goes into protection mode during those off times, and says, ‘that’s enough for now, stop thinking about it’ and you really do stop the grief process for a short period.  The first time that happened to me I felt shamed by it, as if I’d forgotten to be sad, but it’s really a built in protection, or I feel it is; I’m no doctor or shrink by a long shot, but I’ve had a few losses in my life.

There was a time in my life when I had to drive past the scene of an accident that killed a love one almost daily. I really had no choice other than drive 30 or 40 miles around. For months, I can remember getting close, and then suddenly being past the site; my mind just turned off for that moment. I wasn’t asleep, because I navigated the curves just fine, but I have no recollection of seeing the scene during those months. My brain just said, “No, not ready yet.”

Thanks brain, that was nice of you.

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4 Responses to Now you grieve, now you don’t

  1. Kristen Noer says:

    I know…I still think of her when I drive by there….

    sometimes I wish I had nothing to be so sad about….but I always think of my sis. How do you keep going Dwight?? We both lost someone who meant the world to us……my heart will never be the same again….

  2. Dwight says:

    You go one day at a time.. you talk to friends, you cry… you feel terrible for a time… a long time.. but the calendar keeps turning and days do pass… and you may notice yourself smiling a bit more.. or someone else will notice and mention it.. I wish there was a quick way through it. You keep busy with work, with family, with friends when you can. You never, ever ‘get over it’, but the hurt finally, slowly turns to bittersweet memories.. I really wish I had a better answer for you, but that’s the best I know… God bless..

  3. Diane says:

    I will never forget the day you showed up on my doorstep. I am glad I was able to be there for you, and hopefully give you some comfort. I am also very glad that you have Joannie in your life, and that she gives you happiness to help compensate for what you lost when Elizabeth died. I say hello to her every time I drive past there. I love you, Big Brother. You are one of the most important people in my life and you always will be. And I will always be here if you need me.

    • Dwight says:

      I don’t remember lots about that time, just that I haunted your house and the Smith’s… one or the other or maybe both… but I do know how much you guys helped me… thanks.